Sunday, January 8, 2012

Soooooo……..I BC’d!

Originally Posted July 3, 2011 on Tumblr!

I know…I know…I said I was gonna wait until at least the six month mark. And I really was going to but the other night I starting cutting my hair a bit just to see what it would look like and then I just had the urge to keep going. So I called my bestie, for some moral support, put “I Am Not My Hair” on repeat (cliché I know, but it really helped), and then got to cutting.

When I was done, I felt a mixture of excitement, apprehension, sadness, happiness, and freedom. Honestly, my TWA will take some getting used to. My hair has never been this short and I am gonna miss my puff but what’s done is done and there is no use crying over spilled milk.  After all, it’s just hair. It will grow back in a few months.
Since I am home for the summer, showing my grandmother my new “do” was inevitable. I was the most apprehensive about showing her especially since she hasn’t been very supportive of me in the “hair” department. However, I did hope that she would at least accept it. So I covered my head and went to her room. She was a bit busy but I walked up to her and said “Guess what!” When she answered, I uncovered my head. She response I got was nothing less than ignorant and hurtful.

The first thing she said was “Chatonia, I am so disgusted with you. Something very strange is going on with you and your hair and you need to get some help. And I refuse to be seen in public with you like that. People are gonna think you’ve gone crazy. Why are you trying to look like a man?”

All I could do is walk back to my room, call my best friend and my boyfriend, and cry my eyes out. I never thought my grandmother could say something so hurtful to me especially since she’s been so supportive of me my whole life. I could take the hurtful comments and discouragement from anybody else but not my grandmother.
So now it’s been three days since my BC and I feel ok about it. It’s gonna take some getting used to and it’s weird not having to do so much with it. Washing/co-washing takes about two minutes, sealing is extra easy, and styling is nonexistent. I haven’t worn it out in public yet and I don’t think I will. At least until I get back to school. My grandmother doesn’t like it and I’m not going to force it on her. I plan to just wear my wig when I’m out with her. When I’m just sitting around the house, I keep my silk bonnet on. She hasn’t said anything about my hair since the night I showed it to her and she surprisingly hasn’t told the whole family. I kinda think she’s pretending it didn’t happen. *shrug*

The night after I BC’d was probably the hardest. I had a mini freak out session on the phone with my best friend. I hated my hair. I didn’t really know why but I just hated it. I hated everything about my hair. Yesterday, my freak out/depression phase passed and now I have moved on to acceptance. Like I said earlier, there’s no use crying over spilled milk. What’s done is done and at least I don’t have to obsess over when I’m going to BC anymore. My only problem is that it seems I have no definitive curl pattern. It’s just a mass of clumpy, cottony, spongy hair! My mini coils have completely disappeared and I think I have a lot of scab hair. I was praying that I wouldn’t have any but it should have been expected since I used to relax so often. I’ve been trying to keep it as moisturized as possible but I drinks up everything I put in it within five minutes. I’ve made a spray bottle mixture of Aloe Vera gel, EVOO, and water. My hair seems to like it so we’ll see how this works out.

I promised myself I would give this natural thing at least a year or two. Plus, I have met so many other newbies and older naturals who follow my blog, watch my YT channel, and say that they are inspired by and proud of my decision. I have become so dedicated to this journey that if I were to give up now, I would feel like I’m turning my back on more than just myself. I truly love you guys and I need your support now more than ever.

Until next time!


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